Goodbye 2909

In less than a week, we're moving. We'll finally be in a home that fits us, a home with a yard, with parking, with A/C. A home we've been waiting to move into for a year, a home we're excited to someday own.

There is no reason to not be excited. And yet every time I pick up a box or start planning our move... the panic sets in. I could not figure out what was going on... why did I have such a mental block about moving?

And last night it hit me. I'm going to miss this house. I've lived here for 3 and a half years... and they've been the most formative years of my life. I moved into this house a single mom, fresh from giving birth to my god-son. I started dating Mark here, we got engaged while living here... Bekah learned to read and write and started school. Charlie was almost born in this house, and has taken her first steps and giggled her first laughs in this home.

As much as we need more space, and a more modern, better situated house.... I'm in mourning. These last 3 years have been full of change and discovery... and I have to say goodbye.

Goodbye 2909. Goodbye to the only home Bekah remembers, and Charlie has ever known. Goodbye to the home where I had my first date with my husband. Goodbye to our first Christmas, and shoveling my car out, and the relighting of the damn furnace in the middle of December. Goodbye to the dance parties, the birthday parties, the slumber parties and the snuggle parties. Goodbye to the giant blanket fort and red front door.

Hello next step. Hello new life.

Copycat 7-11 French Toast Rolls

I don't usually post recipes on here, but this one was one I actually made up... and it turned out GREAT!

Late last year, 7-11 had the most amazing sausage french toast rollers on their grill. (Don't judge me...) And I ate them at least weekly. Then the discontinued them. Why do they do that? It's always my favorite thing...

The husband and I talked over ways to make them ourselves, and today I tried it out... They weren't exact, but the result was delish!

Ingredients (yield 6 rolls):
6 small fajita size flour tortillas
12 maple sausage links
4 eggs
1/3 cup milk
1/2 tsp vanilla
1/4 tsp cinnamon
Vegetable oil for frying
toothpicks

Instructions:
Cook sausage links over medium heat

Meanwhile, mix up your french toast batter

Add cinnamon and vanilla to taste. There is no wrong way here!

Set your sausage aside to cool for 5 minutes (you'll be using your hands so definitely let them cool a bit.) Lay out your ingredients in order, and heat 1 inch of vegetable oil in a frying pan.

Place a tortilla in the batter, and dredge both sides. Then line two links up on the tortilla like so.

Now roll it up tightly, and use a toothpick to keep it closed. Make sure it goes through the sausage.

Add to heated oil and fry, about 2-3 minutes each side, or until brown and crispy.

Let cool for a couple minutes, remove toothpick, and serve warm with syrup. My daughter loved this, and I must admit I do too! 

One Little Word - January

The first month of this big year and I find myself anxious and a little overwhelmed. 2013 was a huge year. Our family grew, our lives changed, our family was completed, and we found our home and budget stretched to the breaking point.

I feel like this is a year of re-focusing, of repairing. I could have chosen so many words for this year: Center, focus, heal, replenish, thrive. But all of those words had a hint of seclusion to them. Often when people want to heal or replenish, they hide themselves away. They take time away from the rush of the world in order to get back to center. But we had spent our whole year cloistered. New baby, no money, and exhaustion combined to make doing anything but basic errands miserable. And I feel the best way for me to repair from 2013, is to get back out and experience what the world has to offer. I have big plans for this year, and hopefully some fun, spontaneous activities I’m not even planning too!

We are spending January recovering financially from the crunch of December. So we have very little planned this month, and I thought it the perfect time to begin some small-scale healing. I want to re-focus on my family and my husband.

C is an amazing baby. She’s smart and vivacious and exhausting. Most days between her and her sister, my husband and I end our day exhausted. Grateful for an hour or two between their bedtime and ours to get things done, unwind, and relax. It doesn’t leave a lot of energy for long talks, thoughtful exchange, or, well… you know.

This exhaustion has leaked into all parts of our lives. I can’t show it at work, nerves are that more frayed at home. Kids get snapped at, my husband gets guilted for not doing enough while I was gone. I haven’t been having the best experience at home, and I know it’s because of me.

So this is it. I’m turning inward this month, before a year of outward. I want to repair some mistakes, and be better at communication, patience and being present in the lives of my children. I want this experience, because they will be grown in no time at all.  Most of all I want to let go of my fear, and learn to love completely. I want my husband to experience my complete and free love. And to do that, I have to learn to need nothing in return.

Come on 2014, let’s do this.