One Little Word - January

The first month of this big year and I find myself anxious and a little overwhelmed. 2013 was a huge year. Our family grew, our lives changed, our family was completed, and we found our home and budget stretched to the breaking point.

I feel like this is a year of re-focusing, of repairing. I could have chosen so many words for this year: Center, focus, heal, replenish, thrive. But all of those words had a hint of seclusion to them. Often when people want to heal or replenish, they hide themselves away. They take time away from the rush of the world in order to get back to center. But we had spent our whole year cloistered. New baby, no money, and exhaustion combined to make doing anything but basic errands miserable. And I feel the best way for me to repair from 2013, is to get back out and experience what the world has to offer. I have big plans for this year, and hopefully some fun, spontaneous activities I’m not even planning too!

We are spending January recovering financially from the crunch of December. So we have very little planned this month, and I thought it the perfect time to begin some small-scale healing. I want to re-focus on my family and my husband.

C is an amazing baby. She’s smart and vivacious and exhausting. Most days between her and her sister, my husband and I end our day exhausted. Grateful for an hour or two between their bedtime and ours to get things done, unwind, and relax. It doesn’t leave a lot of energy for long talks, thoughtful exchange, or, well… you know.

This exhaustion has leaked into all parts of our lives. I can’t show it at work, nerves are that more frayed at home. Kids get snapped at, my husband gets guilted for not doing enough while I was gone. I haven’t been having the best experience at home, and I know it’s because of me.

So this is it. I’m turning inward this month, before a year of outward. I want to repair some mistakes, and be better at communication, patience and being present in the lives of my children. I want this experience, because they will be grown in no time at all.  Most of all I want to let go of my fear, and learn to love completely. I want my husband to experience my complete and free love. And to do that, I have to learn to need nothing in return.

Come on 2014, let’s do this.